Something Mailman This Way Comes
by FlamingSyrup
Summary: Mint is a universal mailman, traveling across galaxies to drop off packages and letters. When visiting Earth for a delivery, her ship crashes. It's unfixable- at least at the moment. She'll need to repair it to get back on the road. But she isn't prepared for what she has to face to get there. Very mild cursing and violence later on. Rating and genres may change.


**Hey there, friends! This is my first attempt at a fanfiction(Ok, that's a lie). Flames and constructive criticism are appreciated! Welp, here goes.**

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"OOOOH, WHO LIVES IN A PINEAPPLE UNDER THE SEA?"

"I-don't-care-pants!" A female irken growled and rubbed her temples as she attempted to tap in the coordinates for her next flight plan. Between the stress of being late and having no autopilot for this mission, she wasn't in the yelling mood. She pulled her hat down further over her antennae.

"Nooo!" a defective SIR whined, bouncing up and down. "It's SPONGEbob SQUAREpants, Mint!"

"Dear Irk!" Mint turned to face the pouting metal thing. It occurred to her that he was beginning to rust. She sighed. Just another thing she had no time to fix. "Jupiter…" she began.

"I KNOOOW OF A PLACE, WHERE YOU NEVER GET HARMED. A MAAAGICAL PLACE-"

"Shut up!" Mint snapped, slamming her fist down on the 'start' button to get the engine running. Her ship grunted and sputtered, then unwillingly began to travel unsteadily through inky black space. Another thing she didn't have the time to fix. "I never should've let Artie show you that idiotic TV show!"

Jupiter fell over and began to scream into the purple floor of the ship. Mint growled and adjusted the wheel every so often. "Jupiter," she said sternly.

The robot picked itself up and began whining. "Miiiiiiint? Are we theeeeeere yeeeet? I'm hungrrrrry."

"IF WE WERE THERE WOULD WE STILL BE MOVING? SHUT UP, YOU OBNOXIOUS THING." Mint clenched her jaw. She pressed two buttons on the panel to adjust the speed of the ship ever so slightly. Her emerald green eyes took in the entire plan, and she noticed that the planet they were heading for didn't have a name on the universal map. "Out of all the places, we just _had _to go to the one that isn't in the system," she grumbled, blocking out her SIR's screams and sobs. "Dear Irk, we're lucky we're so close already."

She held her head in her hands and sat, staring through the glass of the windshield. She breathed a sigh of relief as a blue and green planet came into view._ Oh man, if we had been any further away I would've killed Jupiter, _she thought, pressing her foot down on the brake.

The ship screeched and halted just above the destination. She took hold of the wheel, noted their position, and pushed it forward to begin sinking onto the planet. "Gah!" Mint bit her tongue. The ship's nose dipped down too far as the vehicle uttered a clunking sound and began to spin. It dropped fast.

The irken screeched and dropped backwards off the pilot's chair. Her head smacked against the floor, knocking the hat that had been sitting on her head into the back of the cruiser. She hissed through her teeth and sat up.

The ship continued to drop, and finally landed with a sickening _crunch _on a lawn covered in gnomes and flamingos. Mint groaned and pulled herself out of the totaled space craft. "We're probably way off track. This can't be the-"she examined the building- "place…" Her PAK opened up and a leg emerged, a small microphone on the end. Mint pulled it down so that it was placed in front of her face. "Joop! Check the schedule."

The robot jumped out of the crushed bunch of now-burning metal. It flashed red in the inky blackness of the night. In his hand was a small, flat piece of metal. Mint took it and examined the address. "Nope, we made it."

Reassured, she pulled a package from her PAK and approached the house's door. Mint knocked on it and waited.

A disheveled green boy opened it, a black wig sideways on his head. One antenna stuck out, waving around madly. His face was covered in what appeared to be ash and an unidentifiable red substance. "WHAT IS IT YOU WANT FROM _ZIIIIIM?_" He demanded, drawing out his name as long as possible.

Mint reached onto her head to tip the hat that usually rested there, but she grabbed at nothing. Confused, she reached into her PAK, than turned to look at the flaming ship. She growled and faced Zim. "Package." She shoved the brown box into his arms. He took it gratefully and ripped it open. "Screw it," she muttered, walking back to the ship. "I need that thing…"

"Hey!" Zim yelled, waving the thing that had been buried in packing peanuts back and forth. "What is this?"

"Not my job, buddy!" Mint called back, sifting through burning rubble. She pulled out a slightly charred pink hat, the irken insignia smudged with soot. She dusted it off and placed it on her head.

The green boy adjusted his wig and took another look at Mint. "HEY!" he screamed, and ran back into his base. He came back out and sprinted towards her, carrying a paper bag.

"Wha-"

Mint fumed as Zim pulled the bag over her face. "There!" he declared, obviously pleased with himself.

The female ripped off the bag and glared at Zim. "THE HELL, YOU IDIOT?!"

Zim blinked and glanced at Jupiter over Mint's shoulder. The robot was running in circles with his arms out while making airplane noises. He screeched and fell face first, then flipped over and poked Mint. "Hey Miiiint?"

She handed him the bag. He screamed with delight, pulled it down over his head, and scooted away. Mint turned back to Zim and exploded. "What the HECK were you doing? I don't want a freaking bag on my head!"

Zim shrank back, then retorted. "Humans might see you! You need a disguise!"

Mint folded her arms over her chest. "I am a universal mailman. Thousands of species have seen me without appearing as one of them." She pulled up her hat. "I'm no threat. Do I look like a threat?" she snarled, waving her arms around.

"You don't understand! Humans are stupid! They'll cut open your organs and experiment on you if they see you!" the boy shouted.

Mint frowned. "That doesn't make sense."

"Humans don't make sense," Zim said. He turned and marched back into his base, leaving Mint alone on the front lawn.


End file.
